


Week 4:  Notes on the writing (Captive Prince meta)

by Mesa



Series: Five Weeks of Captive Prince Meta [4]
Category: Captive Prince - C. S. Pacat
Genre: M/M, Meta
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-19
Updated: 2016-01-19
Packaged: 2018-05-14 22:50:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5761870
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mesa/pseuds/Mesa





	Week 4:  Notes on the writing (Captive Prince meta)

Week 4! Only two more weeks to go, and I’m not talking about my meta. :-)

But this is the 4th post in my “5 Weeks of Captive Prince meta” series.

I think I commented earlier that Freece’s writing has always seemed very careful and precise.  Reading the serialized chapters, I especially enjoyed her dialogue and kind of spare, understated narrative.  Having read a bit more now, I can see the influence of other writers of similar historical settings, in particular someone like Mary Renault.  Fanfic writers are often able to catch the general rhythm and tone of Freece’s style, partly I think because it is faithful to a kind of stylized voice that we maybe unconsciously expect from the genre.

As someone who reads a lot, I was surprised at how many definitions I found myself having to look up when I did my full read through!  She seems to find new and interesting words to describe Laurent’s tone and appearance on every page.  Of course some of the words that I didn’t recognize were more technical military and court terms.  I’m not familiar with the details of the historical settings but she certainly seems to have done her research.

Also, because I regularly edit other people’s work, I tend to read with a critical copy-editor’s eye, and I only caught two potentially misused words, which is pretty rare.

Of course that’s all in the book itself.  The publisher’s blurb is another story, and truthfully I’m appalled that Penguin (Penguin! Icon of my youth, publisher of my four-volume set of Orwell essays!) allowed that painfully amateurish embarrassment to see the light of day.  Never mind the missing apostrophe in the possessive “ _Regents_ ” in the last line (which I actually added myself, when I quoted it last week, because I couldn’t stand to let it sit that way in anything I posted).  Just look at the first sentence:

> _His identity now revealed, Damen must face his master Prince Laurent as Damianos of Akielos, the man Laurent has sworn to kill._

First of all, Laurent is not Damen’s master as the third book begins.  >:-(  I realize they’re trying to promote the potential slavefic appeal, but how hard would it have been to accurately add “former”?  And where are the commas that need to set off “ _Prince Laurent_ ”?  Probably with the missing comma following the opening phrase here:

> _Forced into an uneasy alliance the two princes journey deep into Akielos,…_

Can mainstream publishers no longer afford editors??

Anyway.  Back to happier topics, like the books themselves. The other thing that struck me on my re-read was just how masterfully Freece uses the tropes of (what I understand is) her fanfic/manga past.  The whole sequence in the middle of book 2, from the adventures in Nesson-Eloy to the capture of the clan raiders near the border, is a masterlist of classic “forced together” UST scenarios.  Laurent posing as Damen’s pet has stayed with me for years, of course, but I’d forgotten how thick and fast they all follow – from the shared room at the brothel to the shared room at the inn; Laurent jumping for the balcony and “ _landing breathless in Damen’s arms_ ”; the two hiding chest to chest behind the balcony door; and then, outside Breteau, riding spooned against each other on a single horse; Damen forced to watch Laurent manhandled by a clansman with evil intent; sharing a Vaskian love-nest under the pretext of wanting to be alone together  … I think it must have been fun to write, because it was certainly fun to read.

I also wanted to say a word about the close-third-person narration that provides Damen’s notoriously unreliable perception of events.  It’s not just very close, it’s also real-time, with the narrative describing facts and events as Damen figures them out.  I did find it took a bit of getting used to.  The scene where Laurent challenges Govart, for example, confused me at first, because so much of what the narrator states as a fact is factually wrong.  

> _Laurent was a palace prince who had avoided border duty his whole life and who never faced an opponent honestly if he could attack sideways._
> 
> _… the Captain of the Guard, challenged to a duel of honour, was in front of the troop going to cut down the heir to the throne._
> 
> _Laurent was apparently arrogant enough to do this without armour. … He wasn’t thinking clearly at all._  

Of course we realize eventually that these are Damen’s thoughts, unfolding in real-time as the event occurs.  But I am used to a sort of honour agreement with the writer when I read third-person narrative – which is that the narrator may reflect a particular character’s perspective, may miss certain details or misunderstand actions or events … but they are not actually going to lie to me.  

In many cases, even when something is stated as a fact, it’s perfectly clear that we’re reading Damen’s opinion.  Here, for example, I understand the narrator is not telling me this as an absolute fact, but describing Damen’s gradually emerging theory:

> _It had never really had the stamp of Kastor. Kastor was capable of anger, of brutality, but his actions were straightforward. This kind of imaginative cruelty belonged to someone else._

But elsewhere, when something is stated factually, I need to believe that I am being given a fair and accurate account of events.  When Damen first sees Laurent, and the narrator says:

> _Laurent had stopped dead the moment he had seen Damen, his face turning white as though in reaction to a slap, or an insult._

… I need to believe this description of Laurent’s reaction is accurate.  It would seem like a kind of cheating if turned out to that, say, Laurent was actually pleased to see Damen, and this was just another case of Damen misperceiving a situation.

Similarly, if we look at Damen’s perceptions of Aimeric, I understand that this:

> _He’d call it misguided puppy love, except that he’d seen the glint of something similar in Jord, in Orlant, and even, in his own quiet way, in Paschal._

_…_ is purely Damen’s subjective impression.

But a couple of lines later, when the narrative says:

> _Aimeric, who showed everything on his face, was giving Laurent an open look of hero worship and mortification. It was clearly an agony to him that he was being brought to his Prince’s attention for an indiscretion._

… I read that as an objective description of Aimeric’s appearance and expression, not Damen’s perception of it.

I think it’s a very fine balance to maintain, especially through such a long and event-laden narrative. And it is easy on one level to simply say that, since the point of view is so clearly and closely Damen’s, nothing related is reliable.  But I think there is an implicit authorial promise that, as a reader, I’m being given enough objective truth to distinguish between reality and perception.

I’m not saying I think that promise has been broken.  So far, I’m pretty comfortable that I’ve been treated fairly, as a reader.  I’m just always slightly on edge that the fine line will break somewhere and I’ll end up feeling slightly cheated.  But I’m holding on to my faith for book 3.  

If I had any actual criticism, it might be that some of Laurent’s dialogue – especially early on – is a little over the top.  Whether he knows Damen’s identity or not, he really doesn’t have any good reason to be engaging with Damen so closely, and some of his early taunting – at the ring fight, for example -- seems a bit hard to believe.  On the other hand, the dialogue is so effective at establishing Laurent’s character, so infuriating and, frankly, often so amusing, that it’s easy to forgive.  In all of the drama of plot and character, it’s easy to overlook how funny the writing often is.

 

Next week:  Some scattered thoughts about mainstream publication, genre writing and the evolution in reader expectations, and perhaps a glimpse of my own id.


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